The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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