Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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