When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
