i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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