I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
