Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
