my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
