There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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