we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
