Acid is not a monday night drug
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
