Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
