I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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