I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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