Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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