I have demons in me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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