yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
