just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
