bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
