I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
