didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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