I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
