Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize