You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You pole danced in your parka.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
