I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
