Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
try to milk me bitch
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