Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
