Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
