drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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