hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
