Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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