she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize