life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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