I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
