If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
