i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
