Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
