Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
