When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
