left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
