True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I stole a fireplace last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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