i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
