In the future we'll all be gay
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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