Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
