I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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