Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
