every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
