did you get engaged???
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
