what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
