I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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