actually, I'm a sock model
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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