You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
