I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
