and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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