My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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