My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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