after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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