and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
