he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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