i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
