I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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