Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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