I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
