i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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