I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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