just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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