she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
