did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
