Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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