dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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