Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
