he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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