my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
